He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
