How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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