Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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