My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I wish there were birth control emojis
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
