my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
