is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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