I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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