The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
