I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
