M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
