I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
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