Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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