I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
