cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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