I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
