I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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