You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
All I want is dick and wine.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
