the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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