She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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