I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
