I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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