MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
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His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
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Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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