Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I'm bleeding and have questions
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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