just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
You can't just leave with hair like that
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
