I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Randomize