i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
