do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
