He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
