Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
