Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
