Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
