He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Randomize
