Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
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