Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
