i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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