..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
