I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
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