My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I feel like death gave me a hand job
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
