her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
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