I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
