Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
