farters have to be the big spoon...
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
