Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
