What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules