I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
People in love make me want to vomit
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
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do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
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I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro