At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
23 Concerns People Have When They’re About To Have Sex With Someone New
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
23 Bosses Confess The Craziest Thing They’ve Seen An Employee Do
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper