I wish I could teleport
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
