so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
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My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
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I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard