Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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