She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
