My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
