ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
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