I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
