She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
