I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
