Having a random hookup so left but love u
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
