i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Randomize
