I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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