none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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