you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
