my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
