Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
