Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
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