It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize