Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
