but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
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The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
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Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
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