i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I need a beard to bite.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
