She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
