The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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